My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i think im in europe. pls send help
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