i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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