we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
