you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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