How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
