I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
