rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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