All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
