Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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