I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I only lived at night.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
