Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
