If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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