dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
