literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
