Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
