My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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