dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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