you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
