in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
