when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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