his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
