fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
