She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
