her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
