So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
