The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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