I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
