He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
