it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
