Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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