I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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