was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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