smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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