I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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