the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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