After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
