new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
