We need to rekindle our bromance
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
