Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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