youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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