i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
