Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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