Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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