This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
