Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
