What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My pussy is not your playground.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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