Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
