your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
