since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
