yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
