Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
