Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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