mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
