Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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