also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
