Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
